Trust, Self-Betrayal, and Taking Back Your Power: A Conversation with Clay Moffat
In this episode of The No Half Cakes podcast, I had the privilege of speaking with Clay Moffat, a performance coach and behavioral strategist based in Thailand. Clay’s unique journey from Navy veteran to oil and gas engineer to behavioral expert offers profound insights into trust, personal responsibility, and the power we all possess to transform our lives.
The Real Meaning of Trust
One of the most striking revelations from our conversation was Clay’s perspective on trust. He argues that 99% of people don’t truly understand what trust is – not because they’re naive or foolish, but because of how we’ve been conditioned to think about it.
“Most people think trust means permanence,” Clay explains. “Like, ‘this person is trustworthy,’ and as soon as you flick that label onto them, it puts this halo effect. So now you filter all their actions through the fact that they’re a trustworthy person.”
Instead, Clay suggests trust is contextual and moment-specific. In our conversation, he could trust that I would be a good host, and I could trust he would deliver value to our listeners – because we both had mutually beneficial outcomes in that specific context.
The Concept of Self-Betrayal
Perhaps the most controversial yet empowering concept Clay shared was his belief that betrayal doesn’t exist – only self-betrayal does. He explains that in every situation where someone feels betrayed, they noticed red flags but didn’t recognize them for what they were.
“They all noticed red flags. All of them. But they weren’t trained to know what the red flags mean,” Clay states. This isn’t about victim-blaming; it’s about recognizing that we often ignore our intuition because we haven’t learned to interpret the warning signs our nervous system provides.
Taking Back Your Power
The core message that emerged from our discussion is that people have far more power and control over their situations than they realize. Clay emphasizes the critical distinction between blame and responsibility:
- Blame is about finding fault and doesn’t create progress
- Responsibility is about owning your part and stepping into your power
“When you take that responsibility, you then step back into the driver’s seat,” Clay explains. Without it, you’re like a passenger in a car with someone else driving – hoping something external will save you.
Finding Your Authentic Self
For those feeling lost or disconnected from their authentic selves, Clay offers a practical starting point: Create two lists of what brings you true joy – one for activities you enjoy alone and another for activities you enjoy with others. Then examine each item: “Am I doing this because it makes other people happy, or because it makes me happy?”
This process helps identify your positive triggers and creates a foundation for rediscovering who you truly are beneath the personas we often adopt to fit in or gain acceptance.
Moving Forward
Clay’s message is ultimately one of hope and empowerment. While taking accountability can be brutal at first, it’s also the key to freedom. As he puts it, “When everything’s going well, it’s all because of you, too, because you made all the changes.”
To learn more about Clay’s work and his book “The Trust Trap,” visit claymoffat.com or trusttrapbook.com.
