From Birthday Blues to Birthday Breakthrough: A Conversation About Self-Worth and Celebration
In this special birthday edition of The No Half Cakes podcast, I sat down with confidence coach Dillon Andres to explore a topic that resonates with many of us: the complicated relationship we have with celebrating ourselves, particularly on our birthdays.
For years, I struggled with my own birthday. As someone who naturally took on the role of provider and background supporter for others, I found it incredibly difficult to receive celebration and thanks. I’d build up expectations that this one day would be different—that I’d finally be the center of attention—only to be disappointed when reality didn’t match the perfect image in my head. This led to a defensive strategy: if I hated my birthday from the start, I couldn’t be let down.
Dillon shared his own parallel journey, stemming from childhood experiences as “the new kid” whose birthday parties felt hollow—kids showing up for cake and pizza rather than genuine connection. For both of us, these experiences were compounded by societal programming about masculinity that suggests men don’t deserve days off or celebration.
Becoming the Director, Not Just the Main Character
During our conversation, Dillon introduced a powerful reframe that challenges popular social media wisdom. While everyone talks about being “the main character of your story,” he suggests we should aim to be the director instead. As the main character, you’re still just observing your life unfold. As the director, you’re actively in control, making decisions, calling the shots, and pivoting when needed.
This shift in perspective has been transformative in my own journey. Over the past five and a half years, I’ve learned that perfectionism isn’t about having everything exactly right—it’s about understanding that every choice, every obstacle overcome, and every pivot made is perfect because it brought us to where we are today.
Breaking Down Emotional Barriers
Dillon shared a powerful story from his time managing nightclub security, where he encountered a 60-year-old man trying to pick a fight with someone a third of his age. When confronted with genuine concern and offered a simple hug, the man broke down, revealing deep pain about his estranged family. His response—”Men don’t deal with this…they work harder”—exemplifies the destructive social conditioning that keeps so many men trapped in emotional isolation.
This programming runs deep, often passed down through generations. But we’re seeing progress. More men are creating and seeking spaces for authentic emotional connection. Simple acts like telling your friends you love them or greeting each other with genuine hugs are becoming more normalized.
The Birthday Transformation
This year, I’ve started a new tradition that perfectly captures my evolved relationship with birthdays. Instead of focusing on receiving presents, I’m giving them—selecting three people who’ve impacted my life this year and sending them meaningful gifts with personal notes. It’s about celebrating their presence in my life rather than accumulating presents.
The journey from birthday hatred to birthday appreciation isn’t about jumping from 10% to 110% happiness in a single day. It’s about healing what needs healing, living at a higher baseline of contentment, and allowing yourself to enjoy the modest but genuine bump that comes with marking another year of growth, learning, and connection.
Connect with Dillon Andres:
Instagram: @coach.wolverine
YouTube: The Wolverine Lifestyle
Website: thewolverinelifestyle.com
